6 Ways to Take Care of Yourself When You Go Home for the Holidays

7 Minute Read

No matter where on the spectrum your family falls from wonderful to awful, going home for the holidays is more complicated for most than all joy, merriment, and lights. Even as adults, stepping back into in-person family dynamics can make us feel like a kid again, including all the unpleasant parts. If this is you, know that you’re not alone.

In my experience as a therapist supporting clients with family relationship challenges, it’s common for clients to feel ambivalent or anxious when anticipating family time. Particularly during this time of year, my sessions with clients often focus on exploring together where they have some control to support themselves as they prepare for their time ahead with family. In this post, I want to share a few great ways to take care of yourself when you go home for the holidays this year.

 

6 ways to take care of yourself when you go home for the holidays:

 

1. Manage your expectations

Mom is still mom and Uncle Joe is still Uncle Joe. Your sister will still run late, and your brother won’t get you a gift.  In short, everyone will still be themselves, and your family will still be your family.  Even more so as they, too, try to manage the stress and expectations of this time of year.

It may be helpful to remind yourself of this as you plan to travel home.  A useful mantra might be, “My holiday will be just another day(s) in my relationships, even if it’s tricked out in lights.” Keeping this in mind may help you better manage surprise and disappointment.

 

 

It’s common to feel ambivalent when anticipating family time.
group of women sitting in front of NYC skyline

2. Your feelings are tools.

 

If you’ve ever been to therapy, you may have heard the expression that “feelings aren’t facts.” However, you can use your feelings as support. Your feelings can give you information about what you need. Gather information about your needs and check in with yourself from time to time. Examining your feelings objectively and anticipating them can also help you feel more grounded and in control.

Examining your feelings objectively and anticipating them can also help you feel more grounded and in control.

click to tweet CLICK TO TWEET

For example, Are you feeling angry anticipating your grandmother and aunts asking if you are seeing anyone? Prepare a one-liner to have on hand in response. Are you feeling anxious about spending so much time with your brother? Consider planning a trip home for 3 days instead of the 6 days you had planned; Set a time to walk with a friend out of the house ahead of time. Are you worried about feeling bad in your body with all of the heavy cooking? Plan to bring some prepared food for yourself that you know feels good in your body.

 

3. “I’m going for a walk now”

Setting boundaries is one of the great ways to take care of yourself when you go home for the holidays. They’re also some of the most empowering tools at your disposal to honor yourself and your relationships. Boundaries can look like physical space—going for an errand out of the home, spending time in your room, staying in the basement or a hotel, or removing yourself from the conversation if the subject matter is triggering.

They can also look like telling others what you’ll do to maintain your emotional and physical wellbeing. These may include things like;“I  will be bringing one present for everyone as this is what I can comfortably afford,” or “I have to leave the day after Christmas,” or “Please don’t use this pronoun with me.” 

Note: If you feel physically or emotionally unsafe with your family, more extreme boundaries are an option to you, such as choosing to not go home at all or to leave early.

spring cleaning grounding
Setting physical and emotional boundaries is a great way to take care of yourself when you go home for the holidays.

4. Yes, it’s really okay to go for a walk now, no matter what Aunt Paula says.

If you didn’t know that you can talk to yourself, you are missing out on a major tool of support.  And you may need that here because people we love often initially resist change and boundaries.  No matter what someone says, does, or how they feel about your boundaries, you have permission to take care of you. It may be helpful before you arrive, and in the moment to take a few deep breaths and remind yourself:

  • “I’m not a bad person for taking care of myself in this way.”

  •  “It is not my job to take care of this person’s feelings and expectations.”

  •  “In the long term, this boundary will make me less resentful in my relationship.”

 

 

Setting boundaries is one of the most empowering tools at your disposal to take care of yourself and your relationships.

click to tweet  Click to tweet

5. Be kind to yourself

This is a complex time of year.  Families are complicated.  In the spirit of generosity, practice some with yourself, too.  Try telling yourself: “This is hard,” “I deserve to take care of myself,” or “I’m doing my best.”  One of the ways to take care of yourself when you go home for the holidays is by being your best ally.

Being your own best ally can look like taking basic care of your needs like making sure that you are getting enough quality sleep, eating nourishing foods, and moving your body in joyful ways. Or explore a supportive habit like meditation, breathing, or journaling to manage stress.

No matter what someone says, does, or how they feel about your boundaries, you have permission to take care of you.
financial infidelity

6. Call in the reserves

When immediate family members feel tough, overwhelming, or limited, call in the reserves. Get creative. Who is available to support you with some of your experience?  Who can help you get out of your head or feel more grounded for a while? Maybe this looks like one particular ally in your family, or some friends in your hometown with whom you can make plans. Can you set a Facetime with your partner?  If you have a therapist, can you set a plan of support with them?  If you don’t have a trusted therapist, consider reaching out to find one. Follow a therapist or other accounts on Instagram that feel affirming. If you’ve decided not to go home for the holidays, where can you access your chosen family?

The Bottom Line

Setting boundaries and practicing these techniques may feel uncomfortable at first. It’s completely normal to get some pushback, especially if you’ve never set boundaries with family, friends, or loved ones before.

But with these helpful tools and strategies, my wish is that you’ll feel more self-assured and equipped to honor your own needs in any family holiday environment. As you search for gifts, also search for choices, tools, and supports available to you before you head home this year. You’ve got this.

Your Turn: What ways do you take care of yourself when you go home for the holidays? Share what’s worked in the comments below.

Eliza Chamblin

Eliza Chamblin specializes in trauma-informed therapy for adults who experience relationship challenges and a negative sense of themselves and the world. Eliza enjoys working with clients to create healthy boundaries and accept themselves more fully.
There’s More To See

Keep Exploring

Being Neurodivergent in a Neurotypical World: The ADHD Experience

Being Neurodivergent in a Neurotypical World: The ADHD Experience

Living in a neurotypical world can be challenging for individuals with ADHD. The expectations, social implicit rules, and tasks often don't align with the unique functioning of a neurodivergent brain. However, being neurodivergent doesn’t equal inferior. In this blog,...

Psychedelic Harm Reduction: Maximizing Benefits and Minimizing Risks

Psychedelic Harm Reduction: Maximizing Benefits and Minimizing Risks

Many people are familiar with the term ‘harm reduction’, especially in the context of substance use. However, less are aware that this concept has expanded beyond addressing addiction, and now has important implications for the emerging field of psychedelic-assisted therapy.

Seeking Help Amid Crisis: Therapy for Those Enduring Active Trauma

Seeking Help Amid Crisis: Therapy for Those Enduring Active Trauma

Our current models of diagnosing and treating trauma are mostly during the post-traumatic phase. Protecting people from post-traumatic symptoms is an important part of this work, and we can best do that if we intervene as soon as possible- and we can only intervene if someone is capable of seeing that they are living through active distress.

Did this article resonate with you?

If so, our therapists may be a good fit. We invite you to share your preferences on our therapist matching questionnaire so that we can provide you with a personalized recommendation.

STAY IN TOUCH

Get our best tips and advice on how to live with clarity, joy, and purpose when you join our newsletter.

GET UPDATES

In-Person Therapy Made Easy

Online Therapy Made Easy

Insurance + Billing

Alyssa Digges, MA
View Profile
Amy Schell, LMHC
View Profile
Ariel Zeigler, Ph.D
View Profile
Begoña Núñez Sánchez, LP
View Profile
Carole Taylor-Tumilty, LCSW
View Profile
Caryn Moore, LCSW
View Profile
Christina Mancuso, LCSW
View Profile
Courtney Cohen, LMHC
View Profile
Daniel Rich, LMHC
View Profile
Elena Beharry, Psy.D
View Profile
Eliza Chamblin, LCSW
View Profile
Fanny Ng, Ph.D
View Profile
Gary Brucato, Ph.D
View Profile
Gavin Shafron, Ph.D
View Profile
Janel Coleman, LMSW
View Profile
Jen Oddo, LCSW
View Profile
Jessa Navidé, Psy.D.
View Profile
Joanna Kaminski, LMFT
View Profile
Josh Watson, LMSW
View Profile
Justin L.F. Yong, LMHC
View Profile
Karen Kaur, Ph.D
View Profile
Kristin Anderson, LCSW
View Profile
Logan Jones, Psy.D
View Profile
Lucas Saiter, LMHC
View Profile
Monica Amorosi, LMHC
View Profile
Nicole Maselli, LMHC
View Profile
Peter Gradilone, LMSW
View Profile
Regina Musicaro, Ph.D
View Profile

ADDRESS

276 5th Avenue, Suite 605,
New York, NY 10001

GET IN TOUCH
OFFICE HOURS

Monday–Thursday
7am–9pm

Friday
7am–8pm

Saturday-Sunday
8am–4pm

CONTACT US

Have a question? Ask away! We look forward to connecting with you.

    Find a Therapist

    Check My Benefits

    Explore the Blog

    Resources
    WordPress Image Lightbox